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  “Thanks.”

  I leaned back on the exam bed and sighed, rubbing my eyes to try and stay awake. It wasn’t even seven in the morning.

  “You get used to it,” Stan scribbled on the prescription pad. Literally scribbled, the myth is true. “To not sleeping, I mean. But you should be getting a good amount of rest, otherwise you’ll have other problems.” he said more seriously.

  “I know.”

  He gave me that concerned look, I’ve seen it enough. He was my mom’s doctor too, and that was the only reason I even became his patient. He isn’t necessarily fond of children. Stan has the look; blonde hair, gray eyes, the white coat tops it off to complete the bachelor doctor persona. But he was always nice to me, even as a kid. I knew it was because he was close to my mom.

  “How is everything else?”

  His look was pointed. I knew what he was talking about. Mom died only a year ago. He was around when she got sick, and at the funeral. He practically shoved me into a therapist’s office all summer. He also didn’t want me to go to school yet. They would’ve held my spot for at least a year and would understand why I needed it, but I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

  I wasn’t a ticking time bomb.

  I know she’s gone...and I know I miss her like crazy. But she was the one who encouraged me every day and told me that I must keep going.

  “Fine.”

  He scowled at my response.

  “Honestly. I’m fine. School is going well.” I smiled a bit at the thought of Perrie, and I mentally ticked the time until I could see her again.

  “What are you smiling at?” He crossed his arms and leaned on the table behind him underneath the cabinets.

  “Nothing.”

  “A girl?”

  I shook my head. Sometimes he is like a second dad. Never knew the first, but Stan has been around so long I never really knew anything else. First crush in fifth grade? Stan talked me through it. Losing my virginity sophomore year in high school? He gave me the condoms.

  “Yeah. I go to school with her.” I scratched behind my ear with a sly smile.

  “Ah, she’s smart?” He chuckled.

  “Yeah. And gorgeous. And funny. Didn’t agree to go out with me for a year.”

  He shook his head, laughing. “Your game is that bad?”

  “Hey, I have asthma!” I said, but I laughed with him.

  “Does she know about it? You know things can get complicated...” when he got serious I rolled my eyes.

  “I don’t think I fall in those statistics. I’ve never had a problem with sex before.”

  I scratched my stubble, I had forgotten to shave for about three days.

  “I suppose.”

  “Where are you taking her?” He asked.

  Shit. I hadn’t even thought about that. I had plenty of time to think of the ultimate date—an entire year.

  “Uh, I don’t know?” I replied, unsure. He shook his head in mock disappointment.

  “Take her to Boulevard. Everyone likes seafood,” he suggested.

  It wasn’t a bad idea; the bay views would be nice. Except they’re usually booked way in advance.

  “I don’t think I can get in on such short notice. I planned on this weekend.”

  Stan gave me a weird look.

  “I’ll get you a reservation, just don’t mess things up between now and then,” he joked.

  “How are you going to do that?” I asked him. He gave me a look that said, ‘you forget I’m one of the most respected men in the city.’ “Right.”

  Stan headed numerous charities, showed up at all the important galas. He was a celebrity doctor of sorts.

  He asked me more about school and what not. I guess since I hadn’t seen him in a while. I was poised to leave before he reminded me to fill the prescription. I could just do it at the pharmacy when I got to lecture.

  “Look Thom, if this didn’t work I think we need to look at some other options.” He crossed the desk and walked just out of my personal space by the door. My hand froze on the handle, catching his drift.

  “I don’t think we have to do that.”

  “Well, it could be something else. Maybe it’d be too early but at least we would know early.”

  I shook my head. “Mom was older when she found out.” I stared back at him.

  “Not really. We should at least know if you have the gene, since it is hereditary.”

  I muffled a groan. I know he means well, but I don’t want to think about reality. Med school is enough reality.

  “I don’t know. Not very fond of biopsies.”

  “We’ll start with a blood test.” He pressed. I opened the door and feigned a smile.

  “How about this, in a year you can bother me about it again. For now, I’d rather not know whether or not I’m going to die from lung cancer.”

  His face hardened, his expression somber as his shoulders shrugged. “Okay. Check in more though.”

  I nodded, “I will. Thanks.”

  I high tailed it out of there as fast as I could. Of course, I knew it was a possibility, didn’t mean I wanted to know for sure. Mom was sick so sudden, so fast. She tried to put on a mask, but I knew she just wasn’t the same person after we found out. I simply wasn’t ready to start a countdown on my life.

  I didn’t want to think I had to go through that, let alone actually go through it.

  Chapter Eight: Perrie

  “ARE YOU BUSY?”

  I answered on the third ring. Thom sounded off. Not his usually jovial, life is good shakaa voice.

  “Not really, what’s up?” I had just finished a workout on the erg, an indoor rowing machine, and was walking back to my place.

  He sounded like he needed me. I love that we’ve become friends first, and that we can talk to each other about anything. Well... I don’t do much talking, but I could. He trusts me, and I trust him. That’s what matters

  “Nothing just...” his voice was heavy. Something is weighing him down, and my chest tightens at the thought of him hurting.

  “Want to come over?” I asked. What could be wrong? There wasn’t much in Thom’s life that was heavy besides his mom dying.

  “Sure. Thanks.”

  “Yeah. See you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  He hung up before I could say anything else. I felt the tension in my face as I finished the walk home and hopped in the shower quickly. I tossed on a pink sweater and gray shorts and got some yogurt from the fridge. Thom would be here any minute.

  I was hungry, but my stomach wouldn’t settle because I was thinking about Thom. I ended up turning on the television, the Kardashians kept me occupied but my mind still raced. I was still glad I agreed to date Thom, but I hoped nothing would mess up the friendship we already had. It warmed my heart, that he called me when he needed someone to lean on.

  Why couldn’t I let myself lean on him?

  The knock on my door made me jump and I skipped to open it.

  “Hey.”

  Thom looked how he sounded. His permanent half-smile was replaced with turned down lips, and sad eyes. His shoulders were tight under his gray Henley, his hands balled in his pockets.

  “Hey.” He gruffed.

  I let him in and he shifted from the entrance to the living room. I pulled him into a hug without a thought. My arms around his waist, my cheek against his neck. He hugged me back reluctantly at first, but then his arms tightened around me and his body relaxed. His breaths were short and strained.

  The hug seemed to go on until we both decided to pull away. I sat down, pulled him with me, and muted the television.

  “What’s going on?” I asked softly.

  He rubbed his palms over his knees and took a shaky exhale.

  “Nothing. I just...I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot. That’s all.” He shrugged it off like it was nothing.

  I crossed my legs and scooted closer to him, but he crossed his arms staring forward at the muted television.

  “Yeah?�
� I asked cautiously.

  When Thom seemed guarded, I knew I shouldn’t try and pry the truth out of him. He worked at his own pace, similar to how I was. He just didn’t take as long.

  “She got sick around this time that year. I missed all my midterms. My GPA never even fully recovered.”

  He had briefly explained why he chose UCSF, but never elaborated. It was obvious how smart he was, he could have gone anywhere. Now I knew why.

  “Your professors didn’t understand?” I sidetracked.

  “They did, but even when I took some of them later, it didn’t go well. By December she was out of the hospital, but finals still weren’t any better.” He pressed his tongue to the side of his mouth with his eyes turned down.

  The hurt on him was obvious with the rigidity of his shoulders and tension in his jaw, but it didn’t take away from him even still. His profile was strong; his deep brow ridge gave way to his strong jaw and full lips. Even his nose was perfectly curved; no one has a perfect nose. I always knew how attractive Thom was of course, resisting him was hard.

  Getting over my fear was still winning.

  “How was she doing then?” I craned my head sideways, hoping he would look at me.

  He didn’t.

  He rolled his shoulders back and sunk into the couch. His head was turned up to the ceiling and the muscles of his neck were tight. I yearned to reach out and touch him. I sat on my hands, so I wouldn’t.

  “It was October when she had an asthma attack. But it was so bad, I had to take her to the hospital. They did tests, and that’s when they found her lymph nodes were infected, and she already had non-small cell tumors. Lung cancer.”

  He closed his eyes, and his breath caught as he stopped. It felt hard to breathe, and it wasn’t even my pain. It did remind me of my mom, but there was no build up like this. I never experienced the fear that Thom had, the days he had to go on afraid his mother would die one day—soon. I reached out and held his hand.

  “The first thing they did was surgery. All these different doctors and specialists were around, I don’t even remember them all. After that she started chemo and she was able to come home but...by March it was pretty much over. I...she didn’t want me to leave school for her.”

  Thom went to Stanford, which was far from Encino. I didn’t know the state well, but it was about five hours away.

  “Stan had always been here, but he offered to go and keep an eye on her while I was at school. He was her doctor, and mine too; but growing up I always referred to him as my uncle. When I came home for spring break, I almost didn’t leave.”

  When he told me before, it had never been this much in detail. Not this close to the actual day. He would tell me stories about his mom, and what she was like. But not this. It made sense then, it was weighing on him. Keeping all this in.

  I knew he went to therapy that summer, but three months wasn’t enough. I wasn’t in a place to encourage him to go back, because I hadn’t coped with my mother’s death that well yet.

  “But my mom insisted. And she could be really convincing. I knew Stan would be there too, and at the time, she had three months left—that’s what all the doctors said. I just knew I had to finish school to make her proud, I worked harder than I ever had when I was in college. I took my final exams, was in the top five percent, and I didn’t expect her to make it to graduation. The Dean knew what was going on and he let me get my diploma early and take my finals early, so I could go home. Most of my classes were last minute gen eds anyway. May was a good month for her, the beginning at least. She was there and...”

  His voice went dark and I could see the grief radiate off him. I scooted closer and rested my head on his shoulder. It all reminded me of my mom, and I didn’t want him to see me crying. He knew she had passed as well, but I didn’t want him thinking he couldn’t confide in me because it would be a trigger. I needed to be there for him.

  I still remember how I felt that day. The smell. The exact time on the clock. The color of the sun in the sky.

  “A week after my impromptu graduation, she was gone. It happened in her bed, turned hospice room. We were watching General Hospital. I was talking smack at the end of the episode and I didn’t even realize she was gone, at first.”

  “Oh, Thom...” I gripped him tighter, making my voice strong to hide my tears.

  He rested his head on mine and everything was silent except for our breathing. I didn’t realize he was crying until he was sobbing, and I just held him tighter. I buried my face in his chest and locked my arms around his chest like I was trying to hold him together.

  “I’m so sorry, Thom.” I looked up at him.

  His eyes met mine. Flooded with tears, the lining red. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing happened, and I did not know what was happening until his lips were on mine. It was one second—his lips were soft, his skin was warm, and then he was gone.

  “Erm, I’m sorry.” He whispered.

  I just shook my head and went back to hugging him. I whispered, “It’s ok.”

  Nothing else needed to be said, it was all the emotions between us.

  We just held each other like we were trying to glue back together all our broken pieces.

  I SPENT MOST OF MY Fridays in the study lounge, basically rereading everything I had already read over the week. It seemed redundant, but completely necessary because you just don’t get this stuff on the first try. Block one just ended, so things was just snowballing from here on out.

  Thom had a different group from me this year, so he was still in a lecture until four. Around three, I moved to the cafeteria for my daily fix of Chobani and sparkling water, Perrier of course; and waited for Thom.

  We spoke no words of the kiss the night before, and it was as good as forgotten.

  I sat there with a foolish smile on my face thinking about him. Our first date was the next day and I hadn’t been so excited since I found out which med schools I got into. I resisted him for so long it felt like a sweet relief to finally accept the fact that I liked him. Not just that but how much I liked him. We spent so much time together it was easy to miss him when he was gone. I knew I craved him as more than a friend. There would be moments when we’d be studying, and the sexual tension in the room would get so thick a scalpel wouldn’t cut through it. I awkwardly tried to come out of it but sometimes he would just give me this look, when his eyes were dark, and his jaw ticked as his nostrils flared.

  It was no secret that I wanted him.

  We hadn’t been on a date, I had barely kissed him, and I had already fallen for him. All the time we spent together showed me how little that physicality really meant, but I still craved it with him. Of course, I wanted to know what his lips felt like, or how the hardness of his muscles would feel against me. We hugged, but it was never more than a polite goodbye. Every time he touched me, no matter how innocent, warmth swarmed by body. It reacted to him so easily. Even without touching him, I felt this connection I had never felt anywhere else. We were friends, in a relationship not geared towards being together.

  It was unique, and I adored it.

  “You look kind of ridiculous.” I hadn’t recognized the voice nor realized that the voice was talking to me.

  “Excuse me?” I looked up from my yogurt moments later, frowning.

  “You were just sitting there smiling, didn’t know how else to get your attention.”

  I stared back at her, I didn’t know her. She was shorter than me but built like a gymnast. Her shoulders were broad, and every fiber of her body toned to the tee. Her jeans were like a second skin on her thighs, and her tee shirt might as well be a body suit, the way it had to stretch over her.

  “Uh, sorry?” I wasn’t sure what to say. I couldn’t tell if she was being friendly or picking on me to be honest.

  “Can I sit?” She smiled.

  “Depends on if you’ll keep pointing out the things I’m doing.” I said cautiously. She giggled and sat anyway.

  “I’m Melinda. Sor
ry, I’m not known for being very nice.”

  “I wonder where that could have come from.” I laughed uneasily.

  I didn’t get the same vibe from her that I get from nearly everyone else here.

  But she is one beautiful bitch; seriously, looking at her face makes me wonder if she is real. Her skin is a flawless flow of a dark hue, her eyebrows sharpened with a slight fade in the middle. Her cheekbones were worthy of Maleficent, and her lips better than any lipstick ad. Even her nose was perfect; no one has a perfect nose.

  “I don’t worry too much about it. What’s your name?” She took her bag off and set it on the ground.

  It had been covering a shoulder piece tattoo she had; an intricate design of vines tangled around a figure I didn’t stare at long enough.

  “Perrier.” I replied. I licked the spoon with the last of my yogurt.

  “Really?” She was staring at my bottle of water.

  “Yeah. Seriously. My mom was eccentric. My sister’s name is Clementine.” The words flowed freely.

  Something about her made me feel comfortable, I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was the obvious fact that she doesn’t bullshit.

  “Was?” With her hands in her lap, she slouched forward as she looked me right in the eye.

  “She died a while back.” I blinked.

  “Shit—I’m sorry. Don’t really know what to say, I was a foster kid...you from around here?” She asked.

  “No, I’m from Texas. What about you?” I sipped my water. I realized this was the first person I had really spoken to here. Besides Thom, I didn’t socialize with anyone.

  “Nigeria.” She answered. I stifled a laugh at the way she said it. “Well, Compton specifically. But my roots are in Nigeria. At least that’s what I was told.”

  I laughed, Melinda was naturally funny, and very outspoken.

  “Do you like it here?” I asked her curiously.

  She laughed like I had told a joke.

  “Somewhat, I’ve gotten used to being the only black person in the room. Third in the entire program.” She stated as a-matter-of-factly.

  “Damn. I honestly hadn’t even noticed.” I slumped my shoulders.